What do you have in store for me fall 2010?

I am writing this blog to get more blog experience, and to discuss my current situation with figuring out my life. After my 3rd time trying, I finally got accepted to do the Disney College Program again. It's a long story, but I did not finish the program the first time I did it in 2008 due to being terminated. I got accepted for this fall semester. Yes I do not know when I am finishing college. I would like to someday, I just don't know when it will happen. I have been thinking a lot about just getting an online degree in something just to have a degree and make mom and dad happy. I'm getting a little off track. Anyways, here are my options for this coming semester:

1. Do the Disney College Program- I won't be getting paid well, but I will be having a lot of fun. That aspect of it is important to me. I feel like my social life and network of friends have dwindled the past year and a half. And this time I will be over 21, unlike the first go-around hahaha... What really sucks about this option is the fact that I will have to pay rent for my apartment in AZ. It's another story, but my roommate won't let me have a replacement (unless it's someone she knows) due to having trust issues with roommates in the past. She's pretty much against me doing it period. Disney also "charges rent" for its CP's- it's about $80/week. On top of that, I have credit card payments :( If I go with this option, I will have to work 50 hrs/week and/or see if I can get a 2nd job somehow. Some people would say "why don't you try again in the future?" I say "I'm sick of applying for this thing! It's either now or never again!" Something else I would like to say about this option is I have considered finishing school in Florida. It was also something I had in mind the first time I did the program, but then I was terminated and it felt like my life was over. I honestly decided to return to ASU after that because I didn't want to stay in Colorado and I didn't know where else to go- well, I had some places in mind. But the way my parents control my life...

Something I have also kept in mind about this option is at least giving it a try. If I can't pay for what I need to pay for, then I would leave. Yes that sounds pretty major. I guess I would just go back to Arizona if that were to happen, or see what else is going on somewhere else... If you can't tell, there is some gypsy blood in me

2. Stay in school and work- This option seems reasonable but I just hope I wouldn't regret it. I have had 2nd thoughts about being a film student at SCC, but I haven't given up quite yet. I would like to learn more about the subject and create more projects. I could always come back in the future. With this option I would take a decent amount of credits and then work as much as possible. I don't technically have a job lined up though. I have been trying to get involved in the world of promotions though because they pay well. This option could be overwhelming

3. Just work- I would really like to be in a good state financially and pay off all my credit cards, and save up money for the future. With this option, I wouldn't worry about school at all, I would just be working (obviously). Some people would say "don't put all your eggs in one basket." I say "I want my hdtv" I most likely wouldn't have much of a social life with this option, and I haven't discussed it with anyone. I could see my parents freak out about this one.

I don't know how I should end this blog

May I impress you with my cleavage and my ability to name several 90s one-hit-wonder bands?

What am I doing with my life? What am I good at? What do I feel passionate about? I have been asking myself these questions over the past week or so because I am beginning to feel out of place as a scottsdale community college film student. My experience and knowledge of the subject is way below that of my peers, and people have been taking notice. It's embarrassing. I don't like it. I don't want to be known as the girl who doesn't know what she's doing. I should add that my other major at the school is music business. However, I haven't been taking classes in the major the whole year for a couple reasons: 1. the classes overlap and 2. I'm not really satisfied with them, I would much rather take a film class. Pretty much every student in the film program came to the school with some form of experience in their belt. I did not, unless you want to count the few film studies classes I had at ASU. And even in those classes, I was behind my peers. I'm sure some people wonder what I am doing as a film major. I used to feel strongly about my answer, but I don't anymore because reality has hit me. Me, who used to envision myself becoming a famous director, would now be happy just graduating with a degree and working behind-the-scenes for like Ellen or something. I am a student at scottsdale cc to learn the craft, not to get famous. I am not big-headed like several of the other students there. I would just like to finish and move on with my life.

My most recent embarrassing experience as a film student occurred tonight after we viewed footage from other students in my cinematography class. We each had to go around and give our own critique of their footage. I was probably the 5th person to speak and by that time, everyone had already stated what I would say. So I said "ditto to what everyone else has said." I didn't say much beyond that, and my teacher seemed to expect more from me. I'm sorry but I am not that consumed by the technical and thematic elements of film. I like to analyze it to a certain extent, but I'm not crazy like you people. I don't care about it THAT much. There is nothing out there that I care about a whole lot. Even though I see myself as more of a music person, my knowledge of the subject is still pretty limited. There are tons of people out there who are not studying the subject that know way more about it than I do. I'm pretty much just a groupie :P and that's where I find my place in this world

Part of me really hopes that I do get accepted into Belmont, so I can move on. If I don't go to Belmont for whatever reason, I would like to take a stab at finishing things off at SCC. I do need more outside instruction though. A film camp (if one existed) would be great and could really improve my confidence

Singleness

Today, while going out to an early dinner with 2 female classmates, I got trapped in a conversation about dating. I honestly did not say a word. The 2 girls talked about the guys they were dating, those they have dated, and their frustrations with the opposite sex. Interestingly enough, they didn't ask me about my love life, or lack thereof... Actually, wait, I was asked one question, and that was: "have you ever kissed a guy who had a girlfriend." And of course, I answered truthfully

I am a proud, independent single woman. I enjoy my own company, which is a good thing for anyone. I don't long for a relationship or a dating life because I've never had one. You might be surprised to find out just how much of a prude I am. I won't go into details. I have liked guys, guys have liked me, but the feelings have never been mutual. I have had my heart broken. I didn't like it one bit. That is one major reason why dating and all that other crap does not appeal to me. I don't want to experience those same feelings again.

When I hear stories of disappointing relationships, it makes me love the single life even more. I am in a good place :)

What I don't understand is why some people feel down in the dumps when they are single. The single life is meant for learning new things, enjoying freedom and flirting! Have fun people!!

But I will admit: someday I would like to know what it is like to have a boyfriend. It would be nice to have a guy around to take me out for a nice juicy steak or some fondue

To the LOML Joe Jonas

Dear Joe:

You're perfect for me, but I realize that it may not ever it work out for our paths to cross. Someday I hope they will though, even if it's 10 years down the road at a Grammys after party. I will never forget you, even if I find myself under Tommy Lee. I don't think I can live my life like this, depressed because you're dating Demi. I just have this feeling that you two will be together forever. It sucks because you are perfect for me, we just live completely different lives right now. I won't forget your kindness, personality, sense of humor, style, longer locks, pancake twitter default, and that one time at the Denver show this past summer when u pointed at me during "Much Better" (everything I'd ever need is the girl in front me). See, I'm everything you'd ever need... I hope life continues to give you everything you'd ever need and more. And I also hope that if we do see each other at a grammys party, in the studio or on the street, that you would smile at me. I'll never forget the summer that you and your brothers opened up a new world of music for me, music that someone my age shouldn't listen to. May God bless your future-- I pray that you don't fall off the deep end like other former teen idols

Love always,

Whitney

My celeb crushes

Ok, I dunno what it is, but "normal" (not famous) guys just don't really appeal to me anymore. My life is somewhat consumed by my celeb crushes. And my heart breaks each time I hear that one of them is dating someone. This might sound stupid, but it's the truth. Even though I haven't met the majority of these guys and there is no guarantee that I ever will, I just like them to be single. Part of me thinks that someday I might be apart of their lives...or at least part of the world they live in. Hence my majors film production and music business. I can only hope. Until next time, the world will keep spinning whether or not these gentlemen are single, with me, or dating whores, lol.

Me and the fact that I'm quitting my job

I did it, I finally did it! I gave my two weeks notice to my manager at jamba juice today, but I didn't do it the ordinary way. My work environment is pretty laid back, and my manager is the same way. He's also younger than me. So after a debate and the fact that I was too chicken to call, I gave him my notice via text. Yes, I realize that is very unprofessional. And I won't do it again, I swear. But I did it, and even though I don't have a job lined up right now, I'm glad I did. My departure is long overdue. I've been needing a job with more money/more hours for awhile now. As of right now, it's looking like my future may be in promotional modeling. And although I have been wanting to get into bartending, I'm not sure if seeking training/employment of that sort is a good idea right now because there is a slight chance I will be interning out of AZ this summer. Promotional modeling seems like easy work, I just have to work on the whole weight issue.

Maturity

Today has been an interesting one. I originally planned on posting a blog on the topic of maturity. I just decided to make a blog about a few different things.

I will start with maturity, or the lack there of in my life. Throughout elementary through high school, I considered myself to be more mature than most of my peers. 95% of the time I did the right thing. Recently, meaning in the past year or so, I've noticed a difference in my actions. I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the fact that I have developed a carefree attitude over the years? I feel like I'm behind a lot of kids my age in the maturity department. It's weird. For the longest time I was ahead, now I'm behind. I don't know how it happened. I'm apparently a rebel of some sort

2nd topic is about my job, and how my job performance has been somewhat affected by my maturity. I work at a jamba juice at arizona state u. I haven't been the biggest fan of it for quite awhile now. I don't get enough hours, the time goes by so slowly sometimes, I deal w/spoiled freshmen, and I have to take the light rail to work :( I've also begun to feel like my co-workers don't like me anymore. I realize I'm not the fastest, most efficient jamba juice smoothie maker, but I feel like I get the job done. However, sometimes I feel like I'm not up to par considering how long I've worked there. Adding up all the months I have worked at the same JJ equals over a year. Today while I was eating my lunch, I gotta text from my manager: "verbal warning: you can't just get up and leave." I took off today, 15 minutes early, without permission of my manager (he was on break or something). I left early because we were obviously overstaffed. Sadly, I didn't think twice about sending a text to my manager asking him if I could leave. Why?? I know better. What's gotten into me?

Ok, I've forgotten what else I was going to talk about, soo...I'm just gonna leave this post as it is